I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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