There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
