Duck Duck Cougar?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
