While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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