Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
