"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
