About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
