Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
