i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
