She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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