my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
