The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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