I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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