I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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