Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
D3 body, D1 cock
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
