I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
