I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
