her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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