It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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