I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
organizing the empties. That sober.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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