Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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