If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
