Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
