6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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