I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
