i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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