i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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