feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
