I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
