whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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