Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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