i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
