we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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