You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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