I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
