i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
