What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
