The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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