you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
