you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
