I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Randomize
