your thong is hanging out like whoa
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
