Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
