dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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