How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
