i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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