she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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