escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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