I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
