I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
