Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
