my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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